Have you ever felt like you’ve been juggling a lot of balls in the air? Except the balls are on fire? I was talking with a friend the other day and she said that when we are responsible for a lot of emotional/spiritual things, that’s what life can feel like. That’s what April seemed like. Nothing super big or super extra, just a lot of balls in the air, and some seemed to be on fire.

I constantly have this struggle where I commit to too many things. The problem (or my excuse) is that all the things are so good and have a purpose. I’m passionate about all of them: discipling students, teaching little minds, feeding the homeless, pouring into lives, walking with friends. How can I say no to any of these things?

But I had to say no the other day. A couple months ago I signed up to speak in our elementary chapel. I was so passionate about my message then, and now it wasn’t flowing. I tried to gain that passion back. I tried to spend more time with Jesus and find that joy. But every time I tried to enter into His presence, I could only focus on the shame of failure instead of the encouragement of His love. I was overwhelmed and burnt out.

I’ve been pulled into the story of Mary and Martha lately. I’m thinking Martha felt many of these feelings as she tried to serve Jesus. After all, He is the servant we all want to model our lives after. However, it was Mary who made the better choice in that moment. Martha’s choice was not bad, but Mary’s was better. Mary had chosen the “good portion,” in a sense the fuller meal than the one Martha was trying to serve. The meal that would never run out.

John 15 reminds me that I cannot produce any fruit, let alone good fruit, unless I abide in Jesus first. Unless I become a be-do instead of a do-be. I can only love because He first loved me. All of those balls up in the air become much more manageable if I rest in the One who gave them to me. And when I have to let go of one or two, He remains faithful. It was never about what I could do in the first place, but about Whose image He created me to be in. More of Him, less of me.