I can’t believe how easy it has been to return to ‘normal’ life here in Canada. I’ve been home for 4 weeks, and sometimes it feels like GlobeTREK was forever ago. I could almost convince myself that it never even happened because I feel like I’ve fit right back into ‘normal’ life here (besides my obsessive want go to outside in shorts all the time and have the power go out at 9 pm). The contrasts between here and there are so drastically different that I can’t even relate them. So it’s been easy to fit back into the groove of things.
At first, I was shocked how much here hasn’t changed. My room was (mostly) untouched. Supper time is still 5:30. The radio is playing the same songs. I automatically serve around the potholes in town. It’s like I never even left. I just switched back into “Canada Kerstin.” For the most part, “Canada Kerstin” does quite well. She fits right back into her mold.
“Mozambique Kerstin” on the other hand doesn’t fit so well into “Canada Kerstin” mold. She feels a little more lost. To her, “Canada Kerstin” feels more like a robot mode. When “Canada Kerstin” is having a lovely conversation, she feels guilty for not talking more about her trip. “Mozambique Kerstin” sees all the faces of those who want others to know their stories. All those faces that will forever be etched in my head.
The reality is that I’m no longer just “Canada Kerstin” or “Mozambique Kerstin.” Now I’m a mixture of both. How I’m supposed to live both of those out in harmony day-to-day… I’m still trying to figure that out.
One things Mozambique did teach me was the value of low expectations. One of the reasons why people are so joyful there is because they have low expectations. Honestly, it stresses me that this whole integration thing back into Canada isn’t smooth. It’s one thing to say it’s usually rough, but it’s a whole other thing to live in “normal” feeling off-centered. Maybe it’s because I have a hard time with vulnerability. Or that the perfectionist in me wants things to be perfect. But I’m learning to not give myself high expectations as I try to integrate “Mozambique Kerstin” into “Canada Kerstin’s” life. Maybe it needs to be less of “Mozambique/Canada Kerstin” and more of Jesus anyways. More of Him. Less of Me.